Penny's Glasses
I’ll never forget the moment Penny was born and I held her tiny frame for the first time. She was crying and sticky and blotchy and wrinkly and precious and perfection. I held her and she grabbed my finger with her whole hand. Thus began my heart’s cry for her well being. As long as I live it will beat for her good.
Parenthood keeps proving itself a smorgasbord of feelings, with love at the forefront. It energizes your bones and wears you out. It gives you more love and more anger than you know how to deal with sometimes. It fills you with joy and breaks you with pain. The pendulum swings with your child’s experiences. All the while your deep hope is for the best. All the while it is a privilege.
Raising Penny is a privilege indeed. She’s been beautiful since day 1, sensitive and sweet. Her personality is vivacious, and she’s fun to be around. She can be serious or silly. She considers how others feel and is rarely unkind. We’ve watched her reach milestone after milestone year after year with a healthy body and mind that is growing just right. Perfection is a word that has stuck around from the get go.
Recently we encountered something unexpected. A few months ago, I began to notice Penny’s eye crossing. It seldom happened, but enough to get my attention. Sometimes when she watched tv, her right eye would cross in. I noticed it would also happen when we showed her something up close. When she would point at something to show us as well, she would squint her right eye as if straining to see. She stopped sitting in her pink Pottery Barn Kid’s “Penny” chair a few feet from the tv and traded it for a seat in the back of the room. A few photos we took of Penny and Willow showed Penny’s right eye crossed and proved that something was going on. We weren’t too concerned but asked her doctor about it at her 4 year check up.
Her pediatrician’s response was alarming. She said eye crossing was never normal and always signified a problem. She recommended a pediatric ophthalmologist and urged us to go right away. The following week we brought Penny in. It started to feel more serious, but we were hopeful she would be sent home with some exercises, or maybe an eye patch to wear off and on to strengthen her eye.
After a series of eye exams, and the dreaded eye drops and dilation, the ophthalmologist read the results. He said Penny had Bilateral Accommodative Esotropia and would need glasses full time. Her right eye was working very hard to focus on objects up close, and trying to overcome extreme farsightedness was causing it to cross. The eye doctor said it was only her right eye for now, but that the left eye would eventually follow suit. Glasses would help her eyes to focus and keep straight as her vision kept developing. He said to expect her eyes to be more crossed the few times she wasn’t wearing glasses, which should only be for baths and bedtime.
This was not the news we wanted. Glasses, full time, at age 4, and indefinitely? I asked if this is common and he said no, a very low percentage of toddlers need glasses for this reason. The good thing is that catching it early offers the best chance of potentially outgrowing it in her later years, to be reexamined several times a year from now to age 8 and on, if necessary. Visits to the ophthalmologist will be frequent. If glasses do not correct the esotropia (eye crossing), surgery is discussed. But for now, glasses are the answer for Penny’s vision needs.
Tyler and I both cried that night. I went back and forth with “this isn’t a big deal, lots of people need glasses” to “this is a HUGE deal, she needs glasses?!”. Are we so vain that the thought of glasses on Penny’s face brings us to tears? Or are tears merited for something like this? Parenthood is a smorgasbord of feelings, especially in the realm of uncertainty.
After a night of becoming an expert on Bilateral Accommodative Esotropia, internet browsing “hip toddler glasses”, and extreme denial, we decided to get a second opinion. Before diving in to this thing head on, we wanted to see what another professional had to say, which is never a bad idea. A few different people recommended pediatric ophthalmologist Dr. David Sami, so we made an appointment for the following week. His series of eye exams and dilation gave the same results as the first. Penny’s eyes are crossing and glasses are the only option for help.
We felt sadness and peace. Peace that the answer is clear and the bulk of our doubts removed. Sadness that Penny’s little eyes are struggling and her face as we know it will change. Aesthetics and inconveniences of glasses aside, her well being is what we care about most. Whatever it takes to correct her eyes and vision is priority #1. Onward with glasses we go.
It didn’t take long to find Jonas Paul Eyewear, an online children’s optical shop with cute glasses for your kid and a child in need. The Warby Parker for kids - sign us up. We ordered their home try-on kit and found the pair Penny would prefer, little round frames in cotton candy pink, of course. The frames would take about a week to arrive, and because her prescription is so strong and detailed, getting the lenses installed by a separate optician was required and would take another 2 weeks. So the waiting began. And the processing, and what little denial we had left.
Penny didn’t say much when we talked about glasses, so we didn’t overdo it. Her initial response after the first eye doctor said she needed them was “I don’t want glasses”. The second eye doctor visit was less daunting, and whether due to better lollipops or peace of mind, Penny was in good spirits. Her first frames-only fitting went well, more lollipops and positivity and hope. Claudia the optician at Clear Choice Optical is a pro and was willing to work with the Jonas Paul frames we chose. Since then Penny has noticed glasses on other kids and characters more and has grown increasingly open to the idea. While waiting for her glasses to be made, I ordered a similar pair from Warby Parker for myself. I wear contacts 99% of the time, but if my baby wears glasses, so do I. The moment she gripped my finger with her perfect baby hand determined that.
The weeks went by and her glasses were ready. I saved my new frames to wear for the first time this day, and Penny and I went back to Claudia to pick up hers. I felt heavy but hopeful on the drive, looking at Penny’s sweet face in the rearview mirror as much as I could. We arrived and her glasses looked precious, the perfect shade of pink with prescription lenses recommended by 2 different doctors. Claudia fit them to Penny’s face and she looked beautiful. Her prescription is very strong, so the lenses are thick and have a magnifying effect that make her eyes look bigger. It made me a little sad at first, but with eyes as beautiful as Penny’s who can complain about seeing them more?
Lenses with prescription strength to correct farsightedness and esotropia will take Penny some getting used to. The glasses aren’t an automatic fix, but a corrective process. She has to get used to wearing them and for how different her vision will be at first. Penny has been so cooperative and has such a great attitude. It’s only been a few days, but she wears them most of the time, commenting about the way colors and objects look. She does ask for breaks from wearing them, and for us to clean her lenses often. But we are off to a good start, so proud of our baby girl and so hoping these glasses are a start to healing. We will be with her every step of the way. She’ll be our perfect little Penny no matter what.
I am aware that in the grand scheme of things, this is minor. There are parents with children suffering from cancer and rare diseases all over the world. There are people who can’t have children at all. My heart goes out to anyone in these categories. Penny’s vision diagnosis and need for glasses is a big change for us, but keeping those in mind who have greater struggles gives me perspective and drive to be grateful and pray even more.
“Lord, I know You are the healer of all things. Thank You for that and thank You for Penny. Please heal her vision entirely. Astound the doctors and us and Penny with Your power, so that we all get a more clear vision of who You are. Only You can open our eyes spiritually and physically. You love Penny more than I can fathom, even more than I do, and I believe You will care for her every need.” This is the current cry of my heart. Would you join me in praying the same, and in believing God can heal anything afflicting you, too?
Photos by Gipe Photography
